On Unnamed Horizons

Saturday, July 18, 2026

GLÅUGUST 2026: Wanyūdō (GLOG Class)

Wanyūdō aka Wheel Monks aka Firewheels aka Soultakers

Loosely adapting what was on Wikipedia

Your character was a samurai, who was involved in some sort of grisly or obscene act which they believe has condemned them to Jigoku. In order to try and atone for this, they have chosen to walk a path of penance and serve this Hell in the hopes of "working off" their sins using the only skill they have: taking Souls.

Starting Items: an unforgivable act, a simple kimono, tabi, sandals, and one bladed weapon befitting a samurai

Starting Skills: your choice of Poetry, Calligraphy, or the Flute

A - Samurai-to-Monk, Dog of Hell, Soultaker
B - Bespoked, Jumpscare
C - The Wheel
D - Hellfire, Like a Devil
Δ - Yōkai

A. Samurai-to-Monk
Your character was once a samurai. As such, they are proficient with the same arms and armour that a samurai would be. However, they have since shaved their head and committed to a different oath. Similar to the Komusō: they have the right of unrestricted travel across any borders, and still have the right to bear arms.

A. Dog of Hell
Your character is recognised as an official representative of Hell, with all that entails. As part of this oath to serve, they also have a quota of 444 Souls which they must damn to Hell. You are supposed to grab obscene and vile people, but Hell isn't picky. As long as your character sends at least one Soul of any sort once a month, they should be good. Otherwise if you slack, Hell will take notice...

A. Soultaker
This ability cannot be used on any person who bears a holy talisman, is on hallowed ground, or is actively being protected by a holy person praying for them.

If someone is near-death (e.g. infirm, wounded, very elderly, etc) OR they are properly frightened, your character may physically touch them in order to rip the Soul from their body. For the next 8 Hours, the victim's body will spasm and sweat as it struggles to cling to life.

A Soul may be returned to it's original body anytime before those 8 Hours are up. If it is: they live. If it isn't: they die, and their Soul flies all the way to the Gates of Hell and into the underworld.
If any person willingly offers your character their Soul in trade for the victim's during those 8 Hours, your character is bound by the laws of Hell to return the Soul of the victim and take the offered Soul instead.

(Aside: Souls are warm motes of glowing energy, normally stored inside the Shirikodama. Your character can't really do much with either, but some more wizardly types may be able to fiddle and do different things with Souls.)

B. Bespoked
Devils have jabbed the wooden spokes of an ox cart wheel into your character's head as part of their repayments. This painful disfigurement does not get infected, does not seriously injure, etc. They also physically cannot be removed either. As long as your character is visible, they are the most prominent person in their group.

B. Jumpscare
If your character is talking with someone and that person is frightened, your character may perform one action in the blink of an eye without that person immediately noticing- like biting a baby's legs off. You may also choose to undo this action with no consequences immediately after, if you so wish.

(Aside: the "Undo" button is a bit of a remnant from when I was trying to also work in aspects of the Katawaguruma legend. I kept it in because I feel like it still fits the vibe here and allows for truly bizarre acts of intimidation).

C. The Wheel
The devils have come again, and they've taken your character's body. Don't worry though: the devils also finished them a nice sturdy wheel instead, so they can still do their job. Surely this is enough, right?

Your character no longer has a body, and so no longer can wield weapons, armour, do things that require hands, etc.
Your character doesn't need to defecate, urinate, etc; but still needs to eat, breathe, and sleep. Injuries to their wheel injure them as if it was their body.
Your character can flip like a coin at any time, to right themselves or lay down.
Your character can also roll around without getting nauseous.

On the first round they start moving, your character moves about half as fast as they normally could. On subsequent rounds, they can move about as fast as a galloping horse but with much better manoeuvrability.
If your character is moving at full speed: they can ram into a target for 2d6 damage; however this causes them to stop moving.

D. Hellfire
Devils are back, they're always back. And this time they torched your character with True Hellfire.

True Hellfire is fed by the victim's Soul. It cannot easily be transferred, and it can only be extinguished by either reincarnating or attaining Enlightenment. It also does not physically burn the target, but it does cause the pain of burning alive.

It also grants victims immunity to all lesser mortal flames, but an even greater weakness to any greater divine flames.

Your character is about as bright as a torch, at all times.
Your character can cause anything they see to burst into False Hellfire as an action. False Hellfire burns things just like a normal fire would, except it can only be put out by saying a short prayer, some holy water, etc.

D. Like a Devil
Anyone who doesn't have Templates from a Class or has never seen a devil before is frightened of your character on sight. This lasts until they are no longer in your character's presence.

Δ - True Yōkai: Deliver your whole quota of 444 Souls to Hell.

Did you really think that this would end any other way? Your character doomed themselves to roll down this path and cause suffering to everyone they meet, one way or another.

They are now an NPC, a devil, and a proper Yōkai with all that entails.

For Challenge 2 #6: I originally interpreted "classic" monsters as monsters from myths and stories as opposed to classic-to-tabletop-RPG monsters, which is why I landed on an adaptation of the Wanyūdō / Katawaguruma myth as a class.

As a cutting room floor extra, I also was debating about tossing in an ability based more on the Katawaguruma myth, but this Class already felt really dense and I didn't know where to put it so I cut it. I think it's still fun enough to share in some form though:

Bane of Gossips:
Everyone innately knows that you possess this ability, and only the very brave or the very foolish are willing to risk invoking it upon themselves.

If people who have seen you then gossip about you or your deeds, you instantly know about it and may issue a Curse upon them and their fellow gossips. This Curse may be any fairytale-style curse you can think of (e.g. turn into an animal, compelled to dance, etc), as long as it does not directly injure or kill the target. This Curse is immediately undone if they offer up a heartfelt public apology in the form of a poem.

This post by Ro Pham is licensed under CC BY 4.0, and may be used by anyone with proper attribution.

Monday, July 13, 2026

GLÅUGUST 2026: Miscellany in Dracula's Castle

Dracula is perhaps the most prominent figure in all of history.

He lead the Sea Peoples on their campaigns in Egypt.

He cultivated foxtail millet in Jiahu, right near the Yellow River.

He made tender love to Oreopitheci in the hills of the Mediterranean.

Dracula was around before humans became human. And yet he still wanders the Earth, unable to die as no afterlife is willing to take him. Over twelve million years spent wandering has left him completely broken; neurons fried like cassette tape that's been recorded over and over until it's just incomprehensible noise.

The Scenario

Currently: Dracula is out on another one of his usual benders.

Whenever this happens, it's basically an open invitation for the foolhardy to climb in through a castle window and raid the place. Maybe steal some stuff, post about it on social media, whatever.

Just make sure you aren't still hanging around by the time he gets back...

Castle Dracula

Dracula has owned literally thousands of castles over his endless life. This "Castle Dracula" is just the latest in a long line of Castles Dracula.

Built in sunny LA by the local chamber of commerce as a PR move (or potentially to avoid being killed by Dracula) at the turn of the millennium, this Castle Dracula is more or less the modern McMansion version of what you might think of as Dracula's castle.

Whatever sort of building or architectural things you can think of from the year ~2004 or earlier, Castle Dracula has like ten of them stuffed in there somewhere. Home theatres, oubliettes, bagua mirrors, CD libraries, échauguettes, nuclear war bunkers, one of those giant chess boards where you can use people as pieces, whatever pointless crap you can think of Dracula probably has a room for it exclusively.

The Denizens

Every single person you, the reader, have ever disliked or disapproved of is here! How serendipitous. They all have come here at one point or another in order to play sycophant to Dracula, along with all of the usual pimps and politicians you'd expect.

Whatever their motivation, they mill about through the halls of the castle like it's the mandatory birthday party for a coworker you don't particularly know. Each engages in chit chat as they carefully step around the mess accumulating in the halls.

1d12 Messes Accumulating in the Halls

A corpse, dragged behind a truck until barely recognisable
A meat smoker, currently jammed open with a half-eaten human body
The silhouette of a person burnt into the wall, as if disintegrated
An officer, their neck smashed in as if stomped on with both feet
A big pot of gumbo, with human bones floating in it
An open jar of Biscoff, thrown against the wall in rage
A bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch, thrown against the wall in rage
An ice cream cake, which was carefully left on a side table, and has since melted
Four sets of designer jeans, caked in faeces, balled up and placed under a rug
A pile of broken Hennessy bottles and empty Percocet blister packs
A mattress, covered in stains
A thrown away Grubhub order

a partially eaten tin of pearl salmon roe, which has been used as an ashtray
Applebee's mozzarella sticks, with the cheese sucked out
a mostly full package of Newports
a chopped cheese which smells like its been fished out of a dirty toilet
a calzone, leaking glowing green slime
an intact Filet-o-Fish and a half-empty bottle of red wine

Rooms of Note

The Vault

Dracula's entire horde is worth more than the entire world economy, many times over. Even some of the more minor items are essentially priceless historical artefacts. Despite this, they are not guarded whatsoever.

There are three reasons for this:

The feuds and suffering surrounding most pieces are so potent that most items are literally cursed. (Dracula, as ancient and laden with curses as he is, just doesn't care. He's already suffering an untold number of curses and diseases already.)
A single truckload making its way out would destabilise the world economy. So, most governments have agreed to quietly take out anyone trying that sort of thing.
It's Dracula's stuff dude. When he finds out, he will kill you.

1d12 of the First Things You Might See in Dracula's Vault

Diamonds, which come from the most horrific situations possible
A watch, so complex it's worth the GDP of Yemen
Yellow rubies, glistenin' like piss
The real Magna Carta
The real Eye of Horus
A blueprint of the catacombs where Alfred Loewenstein is really buried
One of Mansa Musa's rings; so heavy, you can't lift your hand
The last remaining rock from Nibiru
One of the Seven trumpets, the fourth one
The skull of a particularly large Australopithecus
A statuette from Harappa
The real Elephant's Foot, not the fake one that's there now

The Lab

Dracula has always relied on positively heroic doses of narcotics to cope with the endless eons, however all of that got way worse back in the 1800s with the discovery of morphine. Since then, he's more or less lived from bender-to-bender while constantly consuming enough random bullshit to overdose a bus full of people.

To this end: an entire wing of the Castle has been shoddily converted into the most Willy Wonka-esque drug lab you can imagine- one that embodies every iteration rolled together, including the sad Scottish one. Rivers that crust, powders and rust, spores and leaves and crystals and muck- everything ever to zoot you right up.

2d6 Effects of Consuming Random Substances in Dracula's Lab

1, 1: It's literally white phosphorous don't snort this

1, 2: Lets you see God

1, 3: Makes you produce slimes and biles

1, 4: Lets you speak Esperanto

1, 5: Releases a Symbiote

1, 6: Makes you a ghost

2, 1: Disrupts your circadian rhythm

2, 2: Gives you Vitruvian Man flexibility

2, 3: Makes you fight for your life

2, 4: Makes you black out

2, 5: Makes crystals begin poking out of your lungs

2, 6: Causes soul bleeding

3, 1: Enables quantum computing

3, 2: Makes you emaciated

3, 3: Makes you blind (temporary)

3, 4: Makes you blind (permanent)

3, 5: Lets you "use 100% of your brain"; actually causes massive seizures

3, 6: Grants you the skills and knowledge of a historical samurai, with all that entails

4, 1: Lets you see tomorrow's stock market

4, 2: Acts as an insult to God- who will personally send angels after you

4, 3: Makes you stare off into space for an extended period

4, 4: Destroys your hairline

4, 5: Allows you to move like a claymation figure

4, 6: Makes you act like Mr. Bean, with all that entails

5, 1: Makes you die and go to Purgatory: screaming for eternity, reliving every key mistake you've ever made in your life; over and over and over again

5, 2: Makes everything turn red for eight minutes

5, 3: Makes you faceblind

5, 4: Makes you talk like Pingu

5, 5: Lets you connect the dots; and gain actual revelations and insight

5, 6: Gives you an obsessive compulsion to read the book of Revelations

6, 1: Makes you act inconsiderate

6, 2: Makes you lose faith in yourself

6, 3: Changes your beliefs to put you on the wrong side of history almost every time

6, 4: Makes everything go black and white

6, 5: Makes you piss and drool all over yourself

6, 6: Puts worms in your head that won't shut the hell up

The Armoury

You would think Dracula's armoury would feature a vast array of weapons from across the ages, but its mainly just filled with relatively contemporary firearms these days. Each one has been modified in all sorts of esoteric and frankly awful ways though: uzis with scopes, shotguns with switches, AKs that sing like castrati, etc etc. Most guns found here are the designs of a madman, and have a 1-in-6 chance of exploding upon use which increases with each use.

Amongst all of this, there are a few more esoteric and dangerous weapons though.

1d10 Esoteric Weapons

A glock, formerly from the Vatican, loaded up with silver bullets
A pistol that sounds and moves like a Beyblade
A megaphone-like device that actually produces the Brown Note
A picture of a dog with human eyes that allows you to Turn Undead but on anyone who doesn't hate dogs
A miniature particle collider the size of a room. It can pull apart anything placed inside of it, and turn it into pure data.
A cloud seeding device that allows you to create a rain made of any kind of fluid sample you place into it
A rangefinder that lets you call a solar flare down on a specific location
A staff that lets you erupt any volcano you poke with it
A Higgs boson based pistol that seems to just completely annihilate a target
A Luger that will send even a Christian to Hell.

Dracula actually used the Luger from #10 to commit suicide just recently, as evidenced by the big bloody splatter on the wall near it. It'll only be another 3d20 hours until the demons stop him and send him back home to become your problem.

This GLÅUGUST post originally started as an outdated reference to make my wife smile, then building it up with a bit of padding and trying to see how obfuscated I could make any references, before reconsidering and settling somewhere in between to make a big list of random inane things you might find in a modern mad immortals lair.

A silly early start for GLÅUGUST :)

This post by Ro Pham is licensed under CC BY 4.0, and may be used by anyone with proper attribution.

Wednesday, June 10, 2026

Random Spells-as-Laws Generator

Thank you to fellow random word enjoyer Beneath Foreign Planets for the encouragement to JUST POST this "cerebral" piece of work, after discussing their recent cool post which you should read.

This is still a rough draft of sorts, so feedback is appreciated!

As far as the available words go: I did a rough pass, by mass filtering, for general parts of speech. There's still probably a lot of awkward phrasing here and there.
Similarly: if there are any offensive or outdated terms, please let me know as well.
Little thought was put into word-frequency, as opposed to making something that works.
Ultimately I made this for personal use, with my own house rules. The language should hopefully be fairly agnostic? But there may be some more specific terms referenced, with capitalisation, here and there.

Making Of / Thought Processes

The Laws

You can read more about that in my prior posts which are grouped up here, with probably the most relevant stuff living here.

Overall it's an attempt at doing things cottonmouth, in such a way that fighting a wizard becomes a matter of legal loopholing or constantly changing the circumstances of the fight.

As for the specific phrasing of conditionals: that was mainly just me trying to think of as many scenarios as possible that would be easy-to-check in the heat of the moment. Long term / in actual practice: I would probably cut this down to a more curated list.

The Logic

I just always thought Logic Gates would make for a neat aspect of a magic system. It definitely can be a bit clunky here and there though? So long term I may cut or adjust the phrasing on some of the more fiddly gates.

The Words

The list of words used was based on the public-domain Moby Project, which I then ~~very inefficiently~~ quick filtered through as a spreadsheet. Mainly I focused on trimming up the parts of speech and terms used, mainly to limit the use of Names, Adjectives, Adverbs, etc. down to just Nouns & Verbs.

The Code

Originally I was going to build this as a table in Obsidian using the dice roller plugins there, but the thousands upon thousands of entries didn't play nicely and lacked some key features. So then I built it as a separate tool using the code available at donjon for personal use, before converting that over to the ever-useful spwack generator.